For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
