This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
