I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
