His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
