Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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