Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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