I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
