K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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