I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
