she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's great music for shaving your balls
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
