Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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