I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
