we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
