apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
