oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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