I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
