i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
