I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
