He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
