his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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