i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
