I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
