If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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