Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
