Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
