My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
