I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
