so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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