yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
