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I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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