"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
