Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
