i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
