just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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