cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
