five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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