the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
