We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
