My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to make out with him forever
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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