She is in my trunk
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
