Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
a search helicopter?!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
