i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
