I just threw up on my dentist
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Come share oat with me in your robe
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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