yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
