I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
