There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
