Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
worst night to have a conscience
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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