im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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