Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
