Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
