On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
