chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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