his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
