This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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