did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize