How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
