woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
