Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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